Why Skype could potentially be your new relationship lifesaver.

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Long-distance relationships. To some people they are the hardest relationships to be in. I have been in one for longer than I can remember with somebody that I love. It’s not always the most convenient relationship to be in, but it’s worth it. The one thing I can tell you about being in a long-distance relationship is that it takes a lot of work. You have to consciously put in effort everyday to stay with that person. If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship then you know that mediated communication such as Skype, or FaceTime is your best friend. What if I told you that mediated communication styles (Skype, texting, phone calls, Facebook, instant messaging, etc.) and the level of media used can make or break your relationship? A researcher that wanted to answer this question revealed that the different amounts of media a couple uses to communicate could dramatically increase or decrease the staying power for that relationship. Did you ever wish your partner would call more? How about comment more on your Facebook. What about the opposite? Have you ever felt suffocated with your partner and wish the constant calling and texting would decrease? These are the findings of this study. After interviewing 10 couples that use mediated communication the results were stunningly clear. Individuals in a relationship that use mediated communication such as Skype, texting, phone calls, Facebook, instant messaging, etc. at the same level were more “in tune” with each other than those that used it at different levels (one person used it more than the other). Using mediated forms of communication became part of the identity that formed their relationship. Texting or using Skype was just something the couple did; it became a norm within their relationship. 

Couples also had to alter their use of mediated communication, some couples stated that they were using mediated communication too much or too little, with one couple even stating they needed to stop watching so much television and spend more time together. This makes me wonder, about the different reasons one would use mediated communication more than their partner. What if I was going through a stressful time at work and needed my partner to be there for me? Causing me to text more than I normally would. Would this decrease our satisfaction or would we have to temporarily adjust our mediated use. Mediated communication is becoming more and more popular and I can only imagine it won’t be long before we all have to increase our usage in some way.

Do you really have a chance with a Ryan Gosling or are we just fooling ourselves?

 

So, have you ever though love was supposed to be like the movies? Well two researchers wanted to answer this question by asking if our connection with our favorite TV/movie characters is somehow related to our real-life relationships with friends and romantic partners. And I have to wonder how much of what we see happen in movies and on television correlates with what I expect in my personal life. Do I really believe that Ryan Gosling will rebuild a house for me, or lift me up Dirty Dancing style and be with me? Or that my personal McDreamy will “choose me and love me” and drop everything (wife and all) to be with me? Well what these researchers from Vassar College and Ouachita Baptist University found is that when we are single we have a greater attachment with our McDreamies than we do when we are in relationships. So what does this mean? Do we only have a greater yearning for our favorite characters if we are single? I definitely have noticed that when I am single I notice men more when I’m out then when I am in a relationship. What the research shows is that this affinity with TV/movie stars and characters is partially compensating and complimenting for something we are missing in reality. This can be our need to belong, feel attachment, and be wanted. These are basic needs that we as humans feel and need, and I don’t want anybody to get the wrong impression. Just because we might be HUGE fans of people like Brad Pitt, Emma Stone, or Johnny Depp, and really feel an attachment for these people doesn’t mean that we are failing at relationships in reality.

           

                                                            Dirty Dancing Moment

  

          What we need to realize is that it’s not all our fault. The media presents TV/movie characters as likeable and relate to us and in turn that affects what we think and how we react to certain TV shows and movies. This is what another study claims to show.

Does what we watch on TV influence who we will choose to be our next romantic partner? According to a study done by a social scientist at the University of California, Davis the answer is yes. This researcher conducted a study to see if when men are portrayed as more available or scarce on television shows if that will affect our choice on whom (what type of personality) we want as a partner. Let me explain. If there are more males available to single women on television, will women choose partners with personality traits of either devoted, or promiscuous in reality? What the research found is that after watching TV with an abundance of males, women were more likely to choose males suited for short-term relationships and with personality traits such as detached, aggressive, and promiscuous. The opposite is true of watching TV with a lack of males. Women were more likely to choose males suited for long-term, committed relationships and personality traits of devoted, upright, and honest. So what does this mean? For starters, I’m sure that this has happened to everyone of us. I feel that the media and its affects are something that we take for granted, especially as media consumers. If we become more aware of what we watch and the choices we make, specifically relationships choices, we can be better relationship partners. Love is not like the movies no matter how hard we want it to be like that or how hard we try to make it like the movies.

              

        This shows that the media has effects on our reality. This is the beginning of uncovering how the media can affect and shape our interpersonal relationships.