Long-distance relationships. To some people they are the hardest relationships to be in. I have been in one for longer than I can remember with somebody that I love. It’s not always the most convenient relationship to be in, but it’s worth it. The one thing I can tell you about being in a long-distance relationship is that it takes a lot of work. You have to consciously put in effort everyday to stay with that person. If you have ever been in a long-distance relationship then you know that mediated communication such as Skype, or FaceTime is your best friend. What if I told you that mediated communication styles (Skype, texting, phone calls, Facebook, instant messaging, etc.) and the level of media used can make or break your relationship? A researcher that wanted to answer this question revealed that the different amounts of media a couple uses to communicate could dramatically increase or decrease the staying power for that relationship. Did you ever wish your partner would call more? How about comment more on your Facebook. What about the opposite? Have you ever felt suffocated with your partner and wish the constant calling and texting would decrease? These are the findings of this study. After interviewing 10 couples that use mediated communication the results were stunningly clear. Individuals in a relationship that use mediated communication such as Skype, texting, phone calls, Facebook, instant messaging, etc. at the same level were more “in tune” with each other than those that used it at different levels (one person used it more than the other). Using mediated forms of communication became part of the identity that formed their relationship. Texting or using Skype was just something the couple did; it became a norm within their relationship.
Couples also had to alter their use of mediated communication, some couples stated that they were using mediated communication too much or too little, with one couple even stating they needed to stop watching so much television and spend more time together. This makes me wonder, about the different reasons one would use mediated communication more than their partner. What if I was going through a stressful time at work and needed my partner to be there for me? Causing me to text more than I normally would. Would this decrease our satisfaction or would we have to temporarily adjust our mediated use. Mediated communication is becoming more and more popular and I can only imagine it won’t be long before we all have to increase our usage in some way.
So, we discussed relationships that use mediated communication but what about the ever-growing popularity of relationships that exclusively start via mediated communication. That’s right I’m talking about online dating. Whether you though about using it or you have a profile on Match.com, it’s inevitable. Online dating is now one of the top ways in which relationships start. So how do we navigate these types of relationships? One study from the University of Arizona and Ohio University sought out to answer a question; if we use “richer media” (media that follows four criteria: feedback, presence of multiple cues, language variety, and personal focus) will we be more satisfied or more uncertain of ourselves in our online relationship. Will it affect the amount of information that we tell to our online partner? Let me first discuss what rich media means. Here’s an example: texting is less rich than a phone call because texting cannot reproduce natural ques we use in our language that we can hear while on the phone. However, a phone call is less rich than using Skype because we can see the nonverbal ques used in communication that are not available to us while on the phone.
What these researchers found is that when we use richer media we are more likely to anticipate future interactions and be less uncertain in our online relationship. So what does this mean? Couples that used instant messaging to communicate with each other had a higher level of uncertainty within their relationship than couples that communicated via telephone or video messaging. The more you can create a face-to-face interaction with your partner via online the more content you will be in your online encounters.
References:
Linke, C. (2011). Being a couple in a media world: The mediatization of everyday communication in couple relationships. Communications: The European Journal of Communication Research, 36, 91-111.
Pauley, P. & Emmers-Sommer, T. (2007). The impact of Internet technology on primary and secondary romantic relationship development. Communication Studies, 58, 411-427.
References:
Linke, C. (2011). Being a couple in a media world: The mediatization of everyday communication in couple relationships. Communications: The European Journal of Communication Research, 36, 91-111.
Pauley, P. & Emmers-Sommer, T. (2007). The impact of Internet technology on primary and secondary romantic relationship development. Communication Studies, 58, 411-427.
Amanda, your personal intro pulled me in and gave you credibility, and very appropriate photos to reflect and emphasize your content. Clear description of the research process and findings.
ReplyDeleteHello Amanda!
ReplyDeleteMuch like Dr. Reeder said, I found your introduction to be compelling. I have ventured down the road of long-distance relationships at both romantic levels and friendship levels. They certainly bring a specific set of difficulties, but I am happy you didn't demonstrate them as impossible. There could be hope!
One thing that continued to come to mind as I read your blog was why we think about long-distance relationships as hard? If a friend mentions they are in long distance relationship it seems that everyone else in the room rolls their eyes. I wonder if there is a difference between what is actually going on in the relationship and the way everybody talks about the relationship. I've had long-distance relationships that were quite fulfilling, yet when I hear of them I go along with the crowd and roll my eyes.
The second study that you discussed had interesting results. The "richer" the media type, the less uncertainty is experienced in relationships. This is fascinating. It is obvious how relative it is because media types have become progressively richer over time. Imagine the "rich" intimacy of a phone call in the times around WWII. How would you describe how perception plays a role in the we experience uncertainty within long-distance relationships?
Great post!
Jared,
DeleteAs with the second part of your comment, I think that it has to do with which type of media we are comfortable using. As in with my long-distance relationship our usual mode of communication is texting. So when I get a phone call from that person I'm over the moon. Also could you imagine what it is like for our soldiers. They are only allowed to get letters when they are in boot camp and at the end of their training they can text, phone, and use the internet. So I think that we put our own perceptions of how "rich" we think the media is.
Another thing you pointed out is why are long-distance relationships hard? This wasn't in the articles but one answer I can give is because they take effort. Do you know that saying out of sight out of mind. I think the same is true of long-distance relationships. You have to put effort into keeping them in sight. Finding time to call an Skype.
This is a great post Amanda! I like all the pictures you embedded. They are really good.
ReplyDeleteNow, I have to agree with you that if you happen to be in a distant relationship, media tech is definitely your best friend - but it’s also your ‘kiss of death’.
Speaking from experience like you, I was in a regular relationship that turned long distance overnight! We both left for college to two different continents! The first semester was alright and we learned about skype but by the end of the second semester it was pretty much over.
This was due to a number of things. Sometimes “out of sight, out of mind” no matter how good the technology, it is just not the same as being present. Secondly, it was very cumbersome just to communicate because you had to calculate time difference issues, class time issues, work time issues and find a time that works for both of you. Once this is done you have to be pinned down to your computer to talk-which is very different from a regular relationship.
In summary, I found it very difficult. Where Tech did help us stay in contact, I also found that the nature of tech (at the time) was very restricting and ultimately came with its own challenges that just made the long distance relationship impractical.
Mwamba,
DeleteI agree. Like scholar McCluan has said, "the medium is the message" the channel we use to communicate also says something about what we are communicating an since face to face communication is probably the most rewarding when you are in a relationship because you can use more of your senses to understand and create meaning it does not come to a surprise to me that others are not as real and honest.